Harry Potter and the Wizard of Oz
by Vampirewizardlvr
Summary: Cross-dressing, sex, lions, scarecrows, o my! Meet Harry Potter!Dorothy as he enters a strange world filled with house-elves, sexy tinmen, and dark wizards! Parody of the Wizard of Oz, I NEED A BETA!
1. Chapter 1

"Hedwig," Harry said to his snow white puppy, "I don't think we're in Surrey anymore. Look everywhere...there are lollipops and... candy... Where the fuck am I? Where is-"

He looked down at his clothes, "Where are my _actual _clothes?"

He was wearing a very short, checkered, blue and white dress with white knees highs connected to sparkley red garters. He also had no shoes and a light blue headband that pulled away the slightly long black hair.

He looked around and heard giggling, "Show yourselves!" he yelled.

House elves came out and cheered, King Dobby stepped out and squeaked, "We gives you thanks, from the Lollipops Guild! You have squished Gellert Grindlewald, the Wicked Wizard of the East!"

"WHAT! I never meant to kill anyone. I'm terribly sorry." He said, "Now please tell me where the hell I am."

"You have now inherited the fruity man's slippers."

Harry looked down and saw that he was wearing sparkling red heels, equivalent to the ones of a hooker. "Great, _now_ I look like a prostitute." he groaned.

Winky the Advisor blushed and stepped away from under the skirt of his dress, "How do I get home?"

"Follow the Emerald Brick road, it leads to Hogwarts and you can talk to the Wizard of Oz, his name is Albus Dumbledore." Dobby squealed.

"Okay. Here I go." Harry growled, "Can I least take off these hooker heels? I'm not used to wearing them... or a dress... or a garter for that matter."

"No." Winky snapped, "You must keeps them on Harry Potter, or else!"

"Or else what? Excuse me but I'm not used to being threatened by little elves."

"King Dobby and Winky the Advisor is very sorry, Harry Potter, it was not a threat, no. But the Wicked Wizard of the West is going to kill you because you has them, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

A pink bright bubble drifted slowly towards them all. Harry got annoyed, it was going too slow, so he threw a rock at it. It popped and a lady fell from it. The Witch of the North, Hermione Granger, she was dressed in frilly pink and white, with a silver crown on her head,

"Why the hell did you do that?!" She roared, "You stupid little tranny."

"Oi! I'm not a tranny, I just woke up in this. Much better than walking naked, don't you think!?" Harry yelled back.

Hermione analyzed him, "Well, the cross-dressing shows major sex appeal, but full nudity... I wouldn't complain."

"Don't be flattered." Harry snapped, "I'm gay."

Hermione growled, "Don't be flattered, you're just hot, doesn't mean I wanna bed you."

"Then we're on the same page, now tell me why I can't take these damn shoes off!"

"Listen, I could give you this whole long speech, just avoid my damn brother, his name is Lord Voldemort-" the elves gasped, fell to the ground, and covered their ears. "And if you run into him, don't take the slippers off and give them to him, Follow the Emerald Brick Road and talk to Albus. Then you may grace us by leaving, you little brat."

"Thank you, Nice Bitch of the North." Harry smiled at them, "Bye!"

He walked quickly and before he knew it tripped, he walked slightly slower. He really _hated _his garter. The emerald road led into a corn field, he heard some rustling, "HEY BABY! You seem hot, how much for a blow jo-"

"Finish that and I'll you and the corn on fire." he growled.

"Oh shit, you're a guy!?" The scarecrow yelped, scaring the bird on his shoulder, "Sorry man, but you know... scarecrows get desperate. Name's Ron Weasley, what's yours girly?"

"Harry Potter and this is my dog, Hedwig." he said, referring to the white puppy trotting after him. "We're going to Hogwarts to ask the wizard of Oz, Albus Dumbledore, to get me home."

"Hey can I come too?" he asked hopefully, "I'll ask him for a brain so I could impress the Witch of North, Hermione. She's really pretty and smart and I could also think of ways to scare the birds eating my corn and-"

"Didn't you just ask me for a blow job?"

Ron blushed, "If you tell her that, don't tell her until we're married."

"Gotcha."

They walked in silence, Ron opened his mouth and started to sing,

"_We're off to see the wizard,_

_the wonderful wizard of Oz-"_

_"_Shut up." Harry said, "I don't care who's writing this fic, I will not sing."

"Fine." Ron frowned.

They walked on, talking and playing "on the road"games, until they heard a moan of pain. They turned to see who it was and saw-

A very sexy man, he was tin-silver, with engraved muscles, and silvery short hair, he had aristocratic features that said 'I'm the guy you want to screw around but I'm always on top.

"Can you guys help me?" he asked, "I've been rusted for a while now and the oil's right over there."

They followed his gaze and saw a bottle of oil on the ground, "I'll help." Harry said, "I'm Harry Potter and that's Ron Weasley."

"Draco Malfoy." He said shortly. Harry poured the oil on his hand and slowly rubbed it over the tin-man's neck and arms then moved to his chest, and finally to his legs, "That better?" he asked.

Draco nodded and then pulled him closer, his hand going higher up on Harry's leg until it reached under the skirt and fingered the garter, "Much. Say, is that brainless scarecrow your boyfriend?"

"No," he said, not moving Draco's hand away from his garter, "He wants to court to Bitch of the North."

"Poor fool." he laughed, "So... you wanna ditch the hay-man and go into the woods? I could show you a few tricks for the biz."

Harry pushed Draco into one of the trees, "You heartless cad! I'm not a prostitute! I believe sex and love go together, to me sex is wrong with out love!"

"Don't have a heart so I can't love, darling." Draco said dryly, "Say, where are you guys headed anyway?"

"Emerald City, we're going to see the Wizard of Oz so I can go home and so Ron can get a brain so he can impress Hermione, do you want to come with and get a heart?"

"Oh. Sure I guess." Draco said, shrugging.

So they walked, Draco's hand still low on Harry, fiddling with the bow on the back of his dress, Ron skipping and Harry somewhat blushing.

_"We're off to see the wizard_

_the wonderful wiz-"_

"Shut up," Draco said, "Or the match that lights my next fag **(1)**, ends up on you."

"Right-o." Ron said, silencing.

They continued on walking, until they heard moans, mewls, and yelps. Out of curiosity, they decided to investigate, they swept the plants form their sight and saw a slightly disturbing sight.

There were two lion-like creatures, one named Sirius Black and the other Remus Lupin. Remus was the bottom, making the mewls and yelps, while Sirius, the more dominant lover, was on top, thrusting in and making the purrs and moans.

"Ahem." Draco said smoothly.

"Go... away!" Sirius roared, his black mane wild about his head.

"Come... back... later." Remus moaned.

So they sat outside of the trees, waiting for them to finish up. Waiting another half hour, "Why are we even waiting for them? We don't know them." Ron whined.

"Because they remind me of my godfathers. Plus I am not making second trips to the hell hole of Hogwarts, I'm no miracle worker. They'll probably need something."

They stepped out, walking on all four legs. "Hey, what'd you guys need?"

"We're making a trip to Hogwarts, wanna come?"

"Well, we could pick up a few things at that bondage store-"

"Sirius-" Remus whined, "No bondage, no sex toys, no extra stuff!"

"Are you guys going to see Albus Dumbledore? We could stop by and get Remus some courage, he needs it to try out the really kinkystuff."

"Yep." Ron said cheerily, "Harry's going for the way home, Draco for a heart so he can screw Harry and be in love at the same time, and I need a brain so I can impress the Witch of the North. And now Remus the tawny lion for courage. What do you need?"

"Nothing. I just want Remus to have some courage." Sirius said, shaking his black mane out of his eyes.

"Oh Okay." They walked on.

"_If ever a wiz there was_

_we're going to see the wiz because_

_because_

_because_

_because_

_because!_

_Because of the wonderful things he does-"_

_"_SHUT UP!" They all said.

**(1) Fag is the English term for a cigarette**

**(2)**

**(3)**

**(4)**

**(5)**


	2. Chapter 2

Harry would've been in heaven, the way Draco was stroking his back as they walked quickly, he could've been in Heaven if he wasn't wearing a garter, or the hooker heels, or the headband for that matter. In fact, he was under no obligation to wear the fucking headband so he tore it off and snapped it in half, he threw the pieces into the trees. All this crossdressing stuff was making him pissy. He and Draco were towards the back of the group, while the lions and the scarecrow were skipping ahead joyously.

"You know what?" Harry growled, pushing Draco away, "Fuck it."

He collapsed on the emerald brick road and crossed his arms over his chest, Sirius looked at Harry and nudged the rest to double back, "Whats the matter, pup?" Sirius asked, nudging him with a dark paw. "I'm tired, I'm pissed, and I'm horny." Harry growled, glaring at Draco, who smiled proudly (in a sexy way).

"Well, we could always have angry sex, that knocks out two problems but we're not each other's type." Sirius said jokingly.

"But for being tired, we could alway set up camp for the night." Remus said, pushing Harry to his feet. Harry stumbled on the four-inch heels (sympathize with him ladies!), only to be caught be Draco (envy him, all).

"Come on," Draco said, sweeping Harry off his feet, he carried him bridal style into the trees and set him on the ground. He bent down slightly to place a kiss on Harry's messy hair, "Stay here," he said softly, "We'll set up camp."

Harry stared after him, surprised, as they all quickly set up camp.

It was dark at night, the fire glowed with...well, you know, fire... and Ron was watching the embers fall cautiously, blowing them away if the neared his scarecrow body (hay and felt , people, hay and felt!), Sirius and Remus were sitting comfortably next to Ron. Harry was half-asleep in Draco's arms, Draco was stroking the flesh of his leg tenderly. It was a comfortable silence until Ron started softly singing

"We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was."

Draco glared at the red-headed scarecrow with a srong annoyance, "Shut. The. Hell. Up."

"It's inevitable, Drakey-poo." Sirius said playfully, "It's, it's-"

"Kinda catchy?" Remus offered.

"YEP!" Sirius said cheerily, he puffed his chst wth a deep breath, "We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was."

Ron and Remus joined in joyously.  
"If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,  
Because, because, because, because, because.  
Because of the wonderful things he does.  
We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz."

Draco snarled and carried Harry off to a thicker part of the trees. He put Harry's arms around his shoulders and put his hand on the nape of Harry's neck, he put a hand on Harry's barely covered (by the dress) butt so he could smoothly set him down in a spot, Harry stirred and kept his arms around Draco's neck, "Mmm, Draco?"

"Sorry, are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am."

Draco let out a sexy chuckle, "You wanna sleep?"

"No," Harry said shyly, which surprised Draco.

"Wow... your statements are usually more- how do I put this- ballsy."

"Garters can make anyone really bitchy," Harry mumbled, "In Surrey, I'm known as shy and, yeah, shy. And bookworm."

Harry opened his legs more, they were sore from walking, Draco got on his knees between them and looked Harry in his emerald green eyes, "Y-yes Draco?"

Draco leaned in, pressing his cold lips to Harry's, Harry gasped and Draco slid his tongue past his lips. Harry moaned and Draco held him closer, Harry held Draco's shoulders tighter. And Draco pulled away, leaving a small string of saliva between them, "Why'd you stop?" Harry asked, breathless.

Draco mearly waggled his eyebrows and tilted his head to press his lips to Harry's neck, nipping, licking, and biting, not hard but not soft. Harry, who had never experienced such sitmulation, was moaning and holding Draco closer to his neck.

"Ahhhh," Harry groaned, "Draco."

Draco sat back up and put one of Harry's legs and hooked it on his shoulder, they thrusted into each other and, lost inpleasure, Harry clawed the the button that kept Draco's pants opening. Draco realized tis and pulled the button off and-

"Guys, the fire's goin' out so you need to come back-" Ron froze, Draco hastily buttoned his pants and Harry was regaining his senses.

If looks were laser beams, Draco would've set Ron on fire... but he doesn't need laser eyes for that...

TBC (soon!)

Whatcha guys think? I need comments here, guys, I'm desperate.

I could also use a beta, if anyone would like to mine?


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